A lot of my feedback had to do with swinging and tone variation. A consistent thread in the feedback regarding the content that I received had to do with the following issues:
- I’m not defining activism explicitly. While I talk about some superficial justification for why it makes sense to try to show that Russian rock is a form of activism, I never really say what I mean by this. This lead to me thinking a lot about what interpretations of “activism” fit the frame of my facts best. Making my RBA, I will dedicate some portion of it to specifying what I mean by activism and why I choose this particular definition.
- I don’t specify what time frame specifically I will be discussing and not showing the link between the cases of modern Russia and USSR. I decided I will focus of the 1980-90 period and nowadays and reiterate the links between the two throughout my RBA (the links are extensive: modern musicians aren’t just standing on the shoulders of the USSR musicians, the latter are still present on the musical arena).
Thesis: Rock music in the late USSR and modern Russia are a form of activism.
The Rhetoric of Activism 
I found your post interesting because it highlights the fairly ambiguous aura of activism, in that it seems to have different definitions to different people. You discuss taking a known definition/framework of activism and using it to argue Russian rock is activism. Another option I think you have it to focus your paper on what definition YOU believe activism should have, and use Russian Rock as a case study.
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This post is interesting because music can be disguised simply as entertainment, while the musicians actually are making a statement of rebellion. Especially in a place as repressive as the USSR (and modern Russia), activism needs to be cleverly performed, so that the activists do not become targets of the state. So this makes a good case study for your thesis.Good luck on your RBA!
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